BLOG ENTRY 007: I LOVE TO STRUGGLE
Well, let me explain.
This week has been covered with the assurance I give to others, that lays affirmation on their hearts, that I’m doing good and things are well.
Work will provide me with the strength to learn my threshold for pressure and to provide a since of security to my coworkers. But in my head, I worry a lot.
In my defense, I had started my fall semester this week and I had already ran into issues. From textbooks to my other instructor not uploading anything for the semester. I still don’t have a car, and I’m not sure if I’ll get mine back or get a used one instead. And I’m not rich to the point that I can drop that kind of money at the moment. This week I was waiting for my glasses to pick up which was very overdue.
With my ranting now finished, I can conclude that all of this has taught me about my patience. How far will I let myself get to the point where it becomes tiring for my mental well-being? To be even more honest, I have felt of not even letting others know about how I truly feel. I don’t want others to have the insight of knowing that I am struggling to know if the direction I think I’m at is actually heading. The other day I told my coworker, “I don’t struggle, life just likes to make it difficult.” and when I think of struggling, I’m instantly hearing the song I LOVE TO STRUGGLE by Gable Price and Friends. The song evokes the thoughts and feelings about struggle. The chorus of this track has the definition of it the most in my opinion, and I agree with the band, I’m in love with the struggle, and the struggle is in love with me.
I had mentioned in a previous blog entry about comparison and being insecure, but I think I found a revelation:
Maybe I’m not seeing the bigger picture, I’m only so close to certain details, but not evaluating everything together. Of course, I won’t know the full picture of my life because God has His own way of establishing and keeping promises, and you will start to understand the art of trusting Him.
So here are a few things I’m keeping in mind:
Journal about it, find or make prompts dedicated to expressing how I feel.
Turn your desperation into devotion.
PSALMS 28:6-9 NIV
You have survived the worst storms with the one who calmed the sea.
SPEND LESS TIME ON YOUR PHONE!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!! (I wrote this one strictly for myself)
What you focus on is what you get more of.
Will I choose to focus on the storm or the one who can rebuke the wind and raging waves around me?
Go read Luke 8:22-25 and see how it challenges your faith. I’m calling myself out with saying that I haven’t picked up actual physical Bible since the beginning of the week, and that’s what usually happens to me. I will stay strong for the first few days, and then fall short and into sin (habitual too). I’m going to challenge myself to put my phone in another room and focus on the one who wants a deeper relationship with me. This also includes for when I’m journaling or doing schoolwork.
I hope you join me with that challenge, if you struggle in a similar way.
Here’s a prayer for us:
Father, thank you for gifting us another day to try and live and love like you. I praise you for the times when I feel alone, and when I am just passing by. Teach me to listen to your voice and ground myself to get comfortable with the silence and your spirit. Show me what you’ve had planned for such a time as this. Remind me when I am anxious and when I struggle to turn and pray to you. I want to know what it really means to surrender everything to you, even when my thoughts are against me. Allow your authority to be evident in my life.
AMEN.
Keep pouring,
Khalie x
