Today is my 21st birthday and I was thinking about how there are some creators, especially on YouTube of girls who would talk through a list of things they learned that year and make a whole new list the next year. So, I thought of implementing this idea this year!

Here are 20 things I’ve learned at 20:

1. Say “yes” to opportunities.

For me, this meant to say yes to when coworkers need their shift covered, going on dates, and when friends invite you to their plans, and stepping up to serve at church. You learn more about yourself and what you can handle. You never know if you don’t try. I’ve been able to set boundaries this way and also getting outside of my comfort zone.

2. Go after your passions.

I didn’t even think of going after my passions until I had an opportunity to. This blog started as a school project and my music started when I posted my first song on SoundCloud. I rather start on what I enjoy doing while I have the time and still have the passion before I fall out of it or even if it becomes a chore.

3. Know your worth.

This is key! If you know your worth, everyone else will see it radiate off of you! Your worth is not from the outside, but from within. Don’t sell yourself short, you are worth more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10). Your worth does not come from a guy, your friends, or family. The Bible has so much written about worth and that is all that matters to me!!

4. It’s ok to change.

Change happens, we are all aware. I’ve changed my hair this year and even gotten a nose piercing in January. This is how I choose to express myself, with the way I was made to be, not who I need to change to be. These happen when they need to, not when they’re forced. Know what your intention is when considering about changing yourself. You don’t need to convince yourself to be anyone else yourself.

5. Friends over isolation.

Your friends matter so much! They may not always be there; you will always have yourself (you won’t always like that though). There are so many memories to make with them than without them. Isolation drives everything you hide from others into the forefront of your mind. It’s like digging a hole you can’t get out of. (Proverbs 18:1)

6. Say “thank you” more than saying “I’m sorry”.

One goes out farther than the other, can you guess? To me, saying that you’re sorry doesn’t do much once the situation happened. There’s not much you can do once you say that you’re sorry. Working in customer service, you learn quickly that people will be more appreciative of you when you thank them for waiting on their drink, or for you listening to them. It’s almost like a change of perception once you are thankful than apologetic.

7. Celebrate the people you have in your life.

There have been so many friends of mine that have left and moved away, so cherish every moment you have with them. As I write this, I remember the times I have worked with them, hung out with them, and even learned from them. (Proverbs 17:17)

8. Choose how you spend your time.

This one follows the fifth one very well! You surround yourself with you prioritize. So, for me, that means I am at work, church, and home. Technically, being at a coffee shop is my second home. There are so many things to do in my area and sometimes I forget what I actually like to do. I remember a time that I would drive 45 minutes to go to a church on a Tuesday night and loving it! You never know the opportunities God has for you until you chose to do spend time somewhere outside of your comfort zone.

9. Get outside of your comfort zone!

You never know what you are comfortable with until you decide to step out of your comfort zone. This helps me know what my boundaries are and how to make better choices when I’m with others. These things are stretching me to become someone who has more experience and expanding my knowledge in so many different ways. As I have written in a few blog posts ago, comfort kills. You’ll never know what God is capable of doing until you use faith to do something fearful to make you fearless.

10. You don’t need to plan out the rest of your life.

Yikes, I am really calling myself out here. Lately, I’ve been focusing on relationships, more in depth, what a romantic relationship will look like for me. But I don’t need to have an idea of a son of God to be my boyfriend if I’m not in that part of life. Someone take this little remote because I keep pushing the fast forward button! So, this is a reminder for me to enjoy the moment I am currently blessed with and praise for what God is currently doing for me in my season. I know I will keep making mistakes and learn lessons from them but just because I am an adult doesn’t mean that I need to plan what I think my future will look like. I don’t need to control and put a hand in what God is planning for me.

11. Faith is much bigger than you think.

I plan to have a different blog post that goes into more detail but let me just tell you, keep on praying for God to show you what you’re currently asking him for. He will surprise you. If you have read my past blog entries, you will know that I struggle a lot, but I also have seen the blessings behind all of those struggles. The pain you are going through at the moment has a blessing waiting for you to trust God through it. It all works out for His good! Never stop praying!

12. Your Bible is your best friend.

The Bible is a friend within itself, it tells you stories of the people before you, there’s drama, there’s poetry, suspense, promises, prophecies, and miracles you don’t want to miss knowing and remembering. This year I wanted to know God’s character and the best way to know Him is through His word. Now, I have been consistent (praise the Lord!) and can’t get enough! Sometimes, I read a passage in the Bible and learn something completely different than what I did the first time. The Holy Spirit reveals himself to me because I recognize his voice; it always aligns with scripture. No matter what you’re feeling, there’s a verse that will plunge into your spirit and you don’t want to stop reading and stare at it for hours. The answer is right in front of you, if you’re in front of it just as open as that book.

13. Everything happens for a reason.

And I mean EVERYTHING! I have shared on this page about a car crash I was in and how God provided for me. I was talking to a guy earlier this year and I thought it was going so well, it was the coffee shop meet-cute that any hopeless romantic would fall for. What changed for me was when my friends told me one night after church how he wasn’t good for me. I was a crying, confused mess. I quickly learned that God wasn’t finished healing me and showed me the reason why it all happened. That was the moment I dove in deep to know God for a relationship with Him. Since then, I have seen and learned that everything I go through happens for a reason, there are no coincidences, just God’s timing. It’s been evident with the friendships I’ve had because when I was looking for affection and tempted by my flesh and God was still there, he protected me from myself when I didn’t even know it.

14. Don’t go after anyone.

I’m currently learning this one! You don’t need to do anything special or different to try to be someone’s friend, or potential girlfriend. I’m definitely sensing a theme here LOL. A guy will come up to me, so why should I worry that no one will want me? That’s not up for me to decide at the end of the day. I like being bold every now and then by going up to a guy and talking to them to show that I’m interested & that’s okay but when it comes to pursuing, that’s another playing field I’m getting used to. God gave Adam the missing rib which means I shouldn’t be the one searching for him. I’m just let the man to, um, you know what, I’ll wait.

15. Don’t sell yourself short.

From I’ve learned, I sell myself short. For me, this comes from being content with what I have instead of waiting for what should be coming up next. My family says that I don’t give myself enough credit for the work that I do, and it’s truly because I don’t think it’ll ever get it (awards, promotions, etc.) #stayhumble

16. Give grace to everyone.

I give others so much grace because everyone has expectations for themselves, so I want to make sure my friends, family, and co-workers are not feeling stressed, I know for the holidays I will be offering grace because we all put so much pressure on ourselves but forget how much we’ve already done for others. Ephesians 2:8 is such a good verse to be reminded of grace. Jesus is the definition of grace because he has so much grace for us that he became the greatest sacrifice and saved all of us from sin. I also love 1 Corinthians 15:10 because it says that God’s grace makes us who we are! At work, I’ve been called the queen of grace and that is the best compliment I’ve ever received.

17. Communicate!

Communication is essential! I tell everyone I know what I’m thinking in terms of life, business, Jesus, coffee, I know, the list goes on. No one is a mind reader, so you have to tell them what stresses you out, the foods you like to eat, what you think is best for others, etc. They need to know, and this helps you develop your own decisions and what calls to take. People can build trust with you once you communicate with them. It should never be a game of, ‘what are they thinking?’ or ‘what is the assumption?’ because YOU SHOULD NEVER ASSUME, you are relying on your own understanding, and not of those who have the experience and need to be a team player and friend. Out with the guessing games, time to get straight to the point.

18. Give up control

I asked my twin sister what she had learned this year, and this was her first response. God is a good God, but Romans 8:28 tells us even when the unexpected happens, he is still good. She mentions how she had to give up her authority and replace it with Gods. One thing that stood out to me in this conversation was that elevation and authority go hand in hand, you can’t just pick up one and run with it. God is able to me when you surrender your own understanding and renews your mind with His understanding. This will be your firm foundation. When you give up control, you are given freedom.

19. Take more pictures

You know memories last longer in the format of an image. Pictures do speak so many words. Most of mine is latte art progress I’ve made and sunrises/sunsets, all thing Little Light Coffee Co, and the people I have in my life. This is going back to the point to celebrating people who leave your life. Pictures are a form of expression, so it is another art form for me! Some are great to look back on, but others remind me greatly of some of the lessons I’ve learned. But guess what? That’s part of my testimony. Taking pictures is worship. I hope I never lose the love of taking photos for others to show what matters most to us.

20. Feelings vs. Faith

This is the BIGGEST lesson I’ve learned, and I know that I’ve mentioned this before on this blog but it’s a motto in my life now. Feelings are temporary, but faith is forever, it has stood the test of time when we are obedient. Hebrews 12:11 TPT says that it may seem painful at the time, yet later it will produce a transformation of character. Consider the fruits you bear with feelings and with faith. The fruit of faith will be ready for harvest, but the fruit of feelings will rot and wither. Feelings are based off of wants, faith is based on needs.

THAT IS ALL THE LESSONS/BLESSINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN MY FIRST YEAR OF MY TWENTIES! I CAN NOT WAIT TO READ THIS AGAIN AND MAKE ANOTHER LIST NEXT YEAR. GET READY BECAUSE IS NOT DONE WITH ME YET!!!!! (AND I’M NOT DONE WITH HAVING COFFEE)

keep pouring,

Khalie, x